How to Sex with Toys: Tips for First-Timersn and Connection
Most people get curious about sex toys long before they ever try one. Maybe you’ve seen a bullet vibrator online, or your partner mentioned trying something new. Whatever got you interested, here’s the thing: toys aren’t about being wild; they’re about feeling more connected—to yourself and to whoever you share the moment with.
Why People Use Sex Toys
Toys don’t replace people. They help you learn your own rhythm, your own pleasure language. When used with a partner, they actually build trust—because good sex isn’t performance; it’s communication.
Lovehoney (2024) said it best: “Toys make good sex great—and great sex more connected.”
(Source: Lovehoney – Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys)
A few reasons people reach for them:
- Exploring new sensations in a safe, private way.
- Boosting intimacy without pressure.
- Getting more comfortable with their own bodies.
- Turning solo play into mindful self-care.
- Making couples talk (and laugh) more honestly about what feels good.
Whether it’s a bullet vibe, a soft dildo, or a vibrating cock ring, it’s about curiosity, not comparison.
How to Choose the Right Toy
1. Keep It Simple at First
If you’re new, you don’t need ten buttons and a manual. A small bullet, a smooth plug, or a simple sleeve is plenty. The goal is to feel, not to impress.
2. Stick to Body-Safe Materials
Look for medical-grade silicone or stainless steel—anything non-porous and easy to clean.
And about lube—trust me, water-based lube is the safest choice. It works with every toy, feels natural, and washes off easily. (Silicone lube is fine too, just not on silicone toys.)
3. Follow What You Already Enjoy
Think about what makes you shiver a little:
- Clitoral buzz? Try a bullet or suction toy.
- Internal warmth? Go for a smooth wand or dildo.
- Anal curiosity? Always pick one with a flared base.
- Sharing the fun? Try remote-control or wearable toys.
LaUVette (2024) reminds beginners to “start with one, learn your body, then play around.”
(Source: LaUVette – How to Use Sex Toys)
How to Sex with Toys: Step by Step
1. Set the Mood
Privacy first. Lock the door, lower the lights, breathe. If you’re with someone, talk before you touch. Curiosity feels better when everyone’s relaxed.
2. Start with Touch
Your body likes a warm-up. Light touches, a kiss, a slow glide of fingertips—get the blood moving before you even switch the toy on.
3. Add the Toy Slowly
Let it graze your skin first. Inner thighs, stomach, shoulders—it doesn’t have to go “there” right away. Teasing builds trust with your body.
4. Always Use Lube
A few drops of water-based lube can change everything. Less friction, more glide, more comfort. Think of it as your toy’s best friend.
5. Explore Everywhere
There’s no rulebook.
- A bullet on nipples.
- A cock ring during oral.
- A wand pressed against the hip.
- Play is meant to be curious, not correct.
6. Go Hands-Free Sometimes
Some toys stay in place or move on their own—great for people who want to focus on sensation, not angles. Especially nice for solo play when you just want to lie back and feel.
7. Keep Talking
If you’re with someone, use words. Short ones.
“Like that?” “Too much?” “Again?”
It sounds small, but it’s the fastest way to feel safe and turned on at the same time.
Using Toys Together
The first time can feel awkward—you both giggle, maybe hesitate. That’s okay. You’re learning together.
Good Clean Love (2024) found that couples who bring toys into bed talk more and enjoy longer foreplay.
(Source: Good Clean Love – Guide to Using Sex Toys)
Here’s what actually works:
- Treat it as a team adventure, not a fix.
- Start small—maybe a mini vibe or vibrating cock ring.
- Take turns controlling it.
- Use toys during foreplay or oral, not just penetration.
- Forget about “finishing.” Just explore.
When you make it playful, it feels natural.
Safety and Care
- Wash toys with warm water and mild soap after each use.
- Dry them fully before storing.
- Keep each toy in its own pouch—no mixing materials.
- If you share, use a condom over the toy.
- Listen to your body. Pain or numbness = stop.
Caring for them makes every future session smoother—literally.
Best Toys for Couples
If you’re both ready to experiment, start light:
- Remote-control vibrators for teasing at dinner.
- Vibrating rings for shared pressure.
- Hands-free dildos for deeper rhythm.
- Ben Wa balls for subtle pelvic training between playtimes.
The idea is to laugh, explore, and rediscover each other—not to chase a result.
Final Thoughts
Learning how to sex with toys isn’t about being bold—it’s about being open. Try one thing, see how it feels, talk about it, and try again.
You don’t need a “perfect” night. You need comfort, communication, and a little curiosity.
Use water-based lube, take your time, and remember—the best kind of pleasure feels like you, not a performance.
Explore: our full range of beginner friendly sex toys built for play, connection, and real human warmth.
